I am going to keep this blog short because I am so tired. My hope is that many people will respond with comments to help us.
When Naomi came home she was waking up several times a night to take a bottle. She is no longer feeding at night, but the situation is far worst in my sleep deprived mind. She now sleeps for 30 minute intervals and wakes up crying. She will not stop crying unless Greg or I are with her at all times. I have resorted to sleeping in the same bed with her in the hopes that she will know that I am there and not wake up. This has been to no avail. She still wakes every 30 - 45 minutes crying. Consequently no-one is sleeping and everyone is crabby. I thing undeservedly, Josiah is getting the brunt of every ones crabbiness. I especially cannot function on this level of sleep and need a solution fast. I would appreciate both the adoptive mom's perspective and the perspective of birth moms. Please HELP!
oh my...CAssie is going thru about the same thing with Alaire. From a Mom's point of view...I think she is old enough to have a bedtime routine and stick to that no matter waht. Routine. From an adoptive Mom's thinking...you will always second guess what you are doing...is it going to hurt her in the long run, what is going on in that little mind of hers...does she feel abandoned...I honestly thing that the cold turkey thing works best. Play ahrd, eat a good dinner. HAve the rountine so she knows what is going to happen next. Maybe a little soft music in her room. A good warm bath with some of that sleepy time water...prayers, hugs, kisses and then walk out of the room. Sleep in the living room...somewhere far away so you can't hear her. As long as you know that everything is okay, she will eventually get the drift that you are going to come in everytime she cries. It may take a week or so but it will be worth all the sleepless hours later. Sounds like it might be a control issue. Good luck and I will pray that the sandman makes a good stop at your house. Hope some of this helps...but I am sure that you are doing it already. Have you talked to the Peditrician about it?
ReplyDeleteTeresa-
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I have any tremendous insight to give you - Isaac is still up about twice a night (although mostly due to a lost pacifier at this point). I guess I wonder WHY she is crying...does she seem like she is having night terrors? Or is it a control/tantrum issue? Isaac is about the same age, and we didn't really get a firm bedtime routine down until he was 10 months, mostly because we were concerned about making sure that he knew that we were there for him. You have to be really careful with adoption and bonding, as you of all people are so well aware. We didn't really do the cry-it-out thing until we had him for about 6 months, long enough for him to know we're going to be there for him. Does she always sleep in the same place, so that she's recognizing where she is when she wakes up? I would ask if you're trying the mom's-shirt-in-the-crib idea, but obviously you're co-sleeping and even that's not helping. All that to say, I don't know that any of this will help, but we will be praying earnestly for you in the coming week that God provides you with solutions!!
Love you guys!!
my mom let me know that you were asking for advice so i'm just giving my advice, you can take it or leave it.
ReplyDeletehere is what i would do. it sounds like her internal clock may just be stuck (is she waking at the same time every night?) I would do all of the normal bedtime routine stuff and then put her down and shut the door and don't return until the normal wake time that you are hoping for. Know that it will be really hard for you (sometimes comforting the cry just seems easier, especially in the middle of the night) but in the long run this will be better for everyone and most likely if it really is just her internal clock it should hopefully correct within a week or so.
this has worked pretty well for us with alaire. the first two nights i did go in after about 20 minutes of crying to make sure nothing was wrong but then i promptly left and haven't been back since. after 4 nights of it we are almost there. she is waking about three hours after bedtime wimpers and then goes right back to sleep. she wakes again at about 2am and cries for about 5 minutes but eventually puts herself back to sleep.
i can't speak as an adoptive parent but i can say that i don't think a good amount of crying has really ever hurt my kids. who knows may just give it a try for a week and see if there is any improvement?!
Thanks Jan, Amy and Cassie for the good suggestions. I am willing to try anything at this point. Attachment seems to be good at this point and we are still not allowing other people to take care of her for the most part, so she knows that we are her caregivers at the very least. Last night while Greg was having a good night's rest at his sleep study (#2), I did a modified version of letting her cry it out. I put her to bed at her regular time. She woke up an hour later which is ussual. I pattered her back to sleep (no picking up). She then slept for a glorious 3 hours instead of 30 minutes. I let her cry for 5 minutes before going in the room. Patted her back to sleep and left. SHe woke after 10 minutes. I waited 10 minutes to go into the room - same routine as before. She then slept for 20 minutes and I waited 15 before going back in. Then she went to sleep and slept until 6am (unheard of in my house). So I got a broken up 5-6 hours last night. At this point I will take that. I am going to try it again tonight and let you know how it goes. If it is still not working we may have to let her cry it out. My sdoptive Mom part of me does always wonder if I am ruining her for the rest of her life, but Jan I think you are right - that will always be an issue. Thanks again for advice.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the adoptive mom point of view but I can tell you from a mom point of view that we will probably always second guess ourselves when it comes to raising our kids! I think you are on the right track and she does need to figure out how to sleep through the night, for her own well-being and yours. It will be rough for awhile, but worth it in the long run. Hang tough! Don't doubt yourself! I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteTammy